Should Parents Sleep with Their Children?

Although there are many parents who claim their children sleep in their own beds, a recent report found that 13% of parents shared their beds with their children. This percentage has risen over the last decade with only 5.5% of parents saying they slept with their children in 1993. “It’s incredibly common,” Jennifer Waldburger, a family sleep therapist from Sleepy Planet said in a recent TV interview. “So many families struggle with this and it’s kind of one of those really well-kept secrets nobody talks about.”

Although it’s a growing trend in today’s world, should parents still be sleeping with their children? After all, when it comes to infants and their parents the practice does have its benefits. For mothers, sleeping with your infant makes night feeding much easier and it merges the parent’s and baby’s sleep cycles. It also can deepen the bond between parent and child, especially if the parent is at work during the day. But, what about the safety risks that come with small children s;eeping next to adults? The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) warns parents not to place their infants to sleep in adult beds, stating that the practice puts babies at risk of suffocation and strangulation.

While there are some benefits to sleeping with children, Janice G. Tracht, MSW of Associated Counselors and Therapists in Hermosa Beach, CA believes otherwise. “A healthy family has healthy boundaries. There is a separation between the generations that functions to maintain a balance of power and appropriate intimacy. These boundaries do not exist to restrict the flow of love between members, but rather allow parents to share and benefit from mature adult intimacy, while fostering a loving and nurturing flow of parental affection to the children. When these boundaries are blurred or crossed, the marital relationship suffers.” She also believes that in divorced families, letting children sleep with a parent can be difficult because the child will become jealous when the parent finds a new adult sleep partner. In addition putting the child in the role of intimacy provider to their parent is inappropriate at any age.

If you’ve decided that you do not want your child to sleep with you through the night, here are a few tips to help your child sleep comfortable in their own bed:

Make Expectations Clear – The child should know that they are expected to sleep in their own bed every night.

Spend Time Together Before Bed – Tuck your child in by sharing a story or having a light conversation with them before bedtime so they feel secure, relaxed and loved before their heads hits the pillow.

The Sleep Fairy—Use special gifts from the “sleep fairy,” like the tooth fairy. If they sleep in their own bed, they get a little morning present

Be Tough—After the decision is made, parents need to quit co-sleeping cold turkey.

Plenty of Praise – It is very important to praise the child each morning after they have successfully slept in their own bed.

Associated Counselors and Therapists